Tag: rage

5 Things To Be Thankful For In August

by kaella, posted in Uncategorized

summer deals!.png

August is my birthday month and my husband’s birthday month so there are lots to be thankful for in August. Besides our birthdays here are 5 August related things I am grateful for:

1. Thankful for NO snow!

I am not a cold weather person at all so I soak up the heat as much as I can while it lasts. I would rather be sweating then freezing cold plus nothing beats the feeling of the sun shining down on you.

no-snow.jpg

2. Thankful for living near the shore!

Yes, I am from Jersey so I don’t call the beach the beach but I call it the Shore. Before you even get the image in your mind, I don’t mean the Jersey shore as seen on MTV because families don’t party and get drunk on the beach. We have only had the chance to have one shore trip this summer but we had a great time until our sunblock failed and suffered through a week of sunbun. (Maybe I should do a review of sunblocks that fail for super pale skinned peeps like my family??!)

3. Sunday Family Hiking Days

To help ease my body back into working out, we started a family hiking day almost every Sunday since Father’s Day. In addition to helping my body work out, it is a chance for us to bond as family since we are dealing with the stepdaughter/stepfather resentment situation right now. It has been great to get into nature and explore our surroundings. I always feel at ease being outdoors just hate the bugs and bug bites. Evie loves being in the carrier and looking at everything that passes her by.

Photo Jul 08, 8 56 16 AM.jpg

4. Getting Ready For Back To School

This year is even more exciting…. for me at least because Danyella is going back to public school! She is not a happy camper to stop homeschooling but I just can’t do it mentally, physically or emotionally anymore. At least she is going back to a school that she attended in the past (not the school I pulled her from!) and will have her best friend to enjoy her 6th grade year. (This will be a more in-depth post in the future)

schoolSupplies.jpg

5. Pumpkin Everything is Coming Soon!

Yes! Yes! Yes! I am one of the crazy pumpkin loving people who if the world would let me, I would enjoy pumpkin everything all year round! Typically, the end of August brings back my much-loved Pumpkin Spice Lattes at Dunkin Donuts and Starbucks. My local DD, next the dance studio, will sneak pumpkin flavoring from other locations just for me and “Christina” to enjoy as much as we can. Pumpkin season here I come!!

Pumpkin-Spice-800x450

What are you thankful for in August?

 

 

 

Benny the Bunny

by kaella, posted in Uncategorized

Photo Aug 01, 8 10 52 PM

How in the hell can we adopt a bunny when we have to move? How can we adopt a bunny with a crazy puppy that loves to scare every animal that comes into yard? How can we adopt a bunny when I may end up on bed rest for the next 4-5 months? How are we going to convince a landlord to take us plus our crazy puppy plus a new baby bunny?

It is fair week so I knew that Danyella was going to become Bunny obsessed since we never held up our end of the deal… buying her a new bunny after Hannah the Havana died. Well she worked every angle she could from pouting to getting angry to begging. She tried it all and it worked.

Maybe it is the hormones that made me go soft with this decision but I did feel bad because instead of buying her a new bunny we adopted Max the crazy puppy. Don’t get me wrong, she loves Max but to her we all share Max but a bunny would be all hers like Hanna

h was all hers. I understood that somehow the non animal lover has raised a true animal lover but the timing is all wrong right now.

We need to move and find a landlord that will take us and our puppy which is hard enough but now we have to add a baby bunny to the list. Plus this just adds to yet another thing we need to move. Oh how do I end up agreeing to this craziness? I end up agreeing because I want to make her feel like she is important while I am having to take the time to take care of myself and the baby which cuts into things Danyella and I had planned for the summer. Good ole guilt trip….

Danyella had everyone riding this guilt trip until we agreed to adopt Benny the Bunny. Yes she loves to name her animals to rhyme… Benny the Bunny and Hannah the Havana (type of bunny she was) plus it was hard to find somet

hing to go with Lop (the type of bunny Benny is). I do have to say, her love for animals have made me a little softer in my years with animals and their dreaded fur!

I am sure there will be future posts and pictures about the newest member of our family so stay tuned!

545f7c779f46cbe9b46bc3e119033971

Grief turns to Anger

by kaella, posted in Uncategorized

It’s been longer then I anticipated since I last blogged and here is why….

After my post about my miscarriage I went through the stages of grief. I cried my eyes out for a couple of days but went about my life. I went to work and cried in the bathroom. I dropped my daughter off at school and picked her up but while I driving in the car alone, I cried. I couldn’t stop crying and my poor boyfriend really didn’t know how to handle it. 

Once my crying slowed down, I am still going through bouts of crying, I got angry and nasty. Some days it’s gone from anger to rage over this loss that I didn’t know how to deal with at all. I was angry at everyone and anyone that entered my life. Working in the restaurant industry isn’t good for anyone prone to be angry, let alone a woman still dealing with her hormones being wacky and grieving the loss of her unborn child. 

Every child at one of my tables made me want to cry and there have been moments in the bathroom where I have shed a tear or two. Now it seems like I see baby commercials and adorable baby products everywhere I turn. All of this has set off a rage in me that I have never felt before this grief set in.

I have bit off the heads of the people I love over reasons I can’t remember. I have started fights with people of nonsense. I have just have been miserable in everything I say and do. Just my mannerisms have radiated negativity. 

To make matters worse, I work with someone who is known to be negative and miserable and this weekend my anger came to a head to popped. It felt this rage burst inside of me that I just couldn’t control or stop and it was a scary couple of days. I attempted to quit my job because I needed to get my head on straight and stay away from negativity. Thankfully my boss and I talked things out before I upped and quit my job but this anger needs to controlled.

Since this all happened, I adjusted my work schedule to work around happy, positive coworkers, joined the gym with my boyfriend and started listening to a new audio book. Small steps to big changes.