Today was my first official day of classes that I attend at the actual college (my online classes started already)! It was scary as hell to pull into that parking lot surround my kids that were closer in age to my oldest child then to me. I swear you could feel my heart pounding out of my chest as I looked for a place to park (note to self show up earlier so I can park closer and not in the outskirts of town). Why am I so damn nervous?
The reason I am so nervous is because I was living in fear of being judged by all of these millennial that will shape the future of our lives with new technology, politics and so much more. Here I am… the old, pregnant woman taking classes among all of these young kids who are concerned about their Snaps and the latest party. How can I keep up with them?
My first class today was Speech which is something that comes pretty easily for me because of my background in theatre plus making speeches for the Homeless Shelter that I have been associated with for a few years now. I walked into class a few minutes late because with my belly I can only walk so fast from the other side of the parking lot and then up to the second floor to class. Already red in the face….
I take a seat in the front of the class because that was a close seat to the door and the other people at the table looked a little older than 18 and out of diapers. The professor keeps going and I start to feel more at ease until I look around the classroom and see all the young kids. Wow I begin to feel so so so old! There are a few of us older people though I think I am the oldest out of 24 and definitely the only pregnant one.
The first video we watch is about how we need to have self-confidence in ourselves and about our character. It was a wonderful video and one that I needed right in that moment. I needed to get past my fear of these kids in my classes because I would be spending 3 hours a week for the next 14 weeks with them plus I was going to have to get up in front of the class and talk to them.
I am thankful for being able to take this opportunity to get past my fear of these millennial and take courses that will help me not just in my career but in my everyday life. When I am at work or on stage, I don’t think twice about what I need to do or say but getting up in front of these kids gives me massive anxiety but I am thankful that I will work on getting past my fear this semester. I might be old and I might be pregnant but I want to further my education and life which is worth every single moment of fear and anxiety.
It’s a Tuesday morning which means life will be less stressful than Monday morning and a little more relaxed.
That was my exact thoughts as I lay in bed this morning debating on whether to sleep in a little longer since Danyella spent the night at my mom’s and I don’t have an appointment first thing. I mean if there is no rush to get up then my pregnant butt should relax for as long as I could… right?
Well that was BEFORE I made the mistake of looking at my phone….
First email that caught my eye was from the HR department of my job basically telling me that I was in non compliance because my OB hasn’t been able to finish the 30 pages of paperwork for the FMLA so that I can collect a little for a little bit time while I am on bed rest. So that has been a going back and forth with HR all day hoping and praying that I will still be able to collect something because my family needs any extra money we can to get ready for this baby girl.
The second email was from my college telling me that I was selected for the IRS verification for my FAFSA application. So they give me all these instructions on how I can do this online but it doesn’t work. I go to the FAFSA homepage hoping to find answers on how to get this to work only to find out that FAFSA disabled the ability to do the online verification until the next season which who the hell knows when that is! Next option is to access my transcripts online instantly through the IRS website but I don’t have a credit card, mortgage or auto loan in my name (downfall of trying to keep my expenses down and not fall behind on loans by not having loans). So onto the third option, order my transcripts to be mailed to me. According to the site it can take upto 10 days to process my request… well classes start in 3 weeks so I might be able to start classes because I do not have any money to put towards my tuiton fees. I did email the financial aid woman but have yet to hear back about how long this will take to process will take and if I should stop my plans to go back to school (yes I shed more than one tear over this today).
On a bright note…. I stopped into work and was able to see some of my friends and eat my favorite French Onion Soup. I have 3 weeks to try to hope, pray and keep on top of the financial aid woman to process my aid so I can start classes (squeaky wheel gets the oil first). And best of all…. my local Starbucks secretly has Pumpkin Spice Lattes back plus I got 2 more maternity clothes for $10 on clearance at Target. A win win day after all!
Somedays are harder than others to find that bright side but there is always a bright side to every dark side of life. One thing that listening to The Secret (I listen to the audiobook everyday) and other positive life changing books has taught me that if you dwell on the bad then more bad will come but if you find the good in each situation then the good things will occurred more often. Stay positive and stay happy on this Terrific Tuesday!
Well it is official folks… I am on bed rest or at least out of work for the rest of my pregnancy. I had a feeling it was coming because as soon as I am on my feet my body decides that it is going to start acting up. You know the cramps and Braxton Hicks
contractions that are not supposed to happen until the 3rd trimester! In order to help relieve the pain and my anxiety, my OB thinks staying off my feet as much is in mine and the baby’s best interest and I have to agree.
Now what in the hell am I going to do for the next 4-5 months? Since I had a feeling this was coming, I started to make my plan over the weekend to apply for financial aid and college. I still have a semester to finish of my theatre associates degree from the community college I attend when Danyella was in preschool so I do have some credits that will transfer over… hopefully! Since the new community college does not offer a theatre degree, I opted for a fine arts degree which between the fall and spring I should be able to finish up to transfer to a “big person’s college or university”. Yes, to me attending a 4 year school is like finally growing into an adult because you need at least a bachelors in order to a decent job now.
I am going to be the old, pregnant mom in my classes which makes me feel soooo self conscious because I hate that I have gotten this old and haven’t finished school. On the bright side, having school and homework will keep me super busy since I will not have to work to occupy my time. I love anything to do with art so getting my associates in Fine Arts will allow me to transfer to a 4 year college to get my bachelors in Art History which I would love to take to the next level and get my Masters as well. The art classes will do me a double good because I will be working towards my degree plus releasing my stresses through my art.
Another project that I am going to try and undertake while on bed rest, is to actually start making all these patterns that I have collected over the past 10 years. So I will be going through all my patterns and making one of each to either give as a gift, keep for my family or list on my website. Some of my most popular items came from patterns that I wouldn’t have normally tried because it was either a request or went with yarn that I fell in love with and needed a fitting pattern.
Let’s hope that the next 4-5 months brings alot of self discovery and adventure instead of sleep and boredom. When I am bored it is never good for myself and really not good for the loved ones that are around me because I get very demanding and bitchy. For their sake, keeping busy is the best thing….